Skate Dopplegangers

Skate Dopplegangers

Paul Rodriguez | Fred Savage

By Jay Riggio

Since most of this planet is obsessed with vanity and making themselves look more appealing, I recently began to ponder the issue of personal appearance.  If somebody looks as bad as you do, then you have no reason to feel bad.  Right?  My momentary lapse into reflective thought led me to a magical doorway, one that stored away the bizarre notion of the Doppelganger.  You see a doppelganger is someone who looks exactly like someone else. Supposedly we’ve all got one somewhere, and most of us have never met ours.  The thought of the spitting image of myself prancing around some distant land all alone, made me feel terribly sad.  So in order to make myself feel better, I took to searching for the doppelgangers of others, particularly some of my favorite pros and Ams.   After a long search, I was surprised to find an astonishing number of Skate Doppelgangers. Evidently there are quite a few pro skaters that have  a look-alike that’s an internationally known celebrity.  Seriously. Wow. Now what are the chances of that?

Anthony Schultz | Scott Stapp
Anthony Schultz | Scott Stapp
Unfortunately we all can’t choose whom it is we want to look like.  If I had my choice, I’d pick someone legit like Morgan Freeman.  But Anthony here, he’s got himself one douchebag of a human replica.  Yep, Anthony’s ringer is Scott Stapp,  ex-vocalist of the whack-ass, Christian themed fag-core outfit, Creed.  Now if you watch Anthony’s skating closely, you can actually make out the angelic qualities that Stapp’s lyrics tenderly portray.  This doppelganger shit is powerful, boy.
Clint Peterson | Toby McGuire
Clint Peterson | Toby McGuire
Clint and Tobey McGuire are dead-on doppelgangers.  If Tobey stubs his toe on the set of his next movie, Clint could stand in and nobody would notice the difference.  Hell, I bet Clint could bang Tobey’s rich bitch of a girlfriend and he’d rock that ass to sleep without her even sensing a change in humping style.  Actually from what I’ve heard about Clint, he’s probably already blazed Tobey’s girl, and your girl and my girl and your mom’s mom.

P-Rod | Fred Savage
P-Rod | Fred Savage 
Besides looking like that comedian that shares P-Rod’s birth name.  Paul is blessed with another doppelganger. When I was a tike, Fred Savage was the shit.  Not that any of us thought he was cool, because he wasn’t.  Actually, he was a little fag, but secretly we all wished we could be him for a week.  Why would we want to be a little television star homo?  Because Savage pulled crazy tail, that’s why. All the time, every time.  Dude, had a hit TV show, was rich, famous and girls loved him.  P-rod is rich, famous, has the Illest tre flip in the business and bitches love him too.  If there is such a thing, P-rod’s the dominant doppelganger for sure.
Pat Duffy |Kevin Bacon
Pat Duffy |Kevin Bacon
You know that lame game; Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon where you have to link other movie stars back to Mr. Bacon?  Well fuck that game.  It should be called “Six Dudes Who Have a Kevin Bacon Head.” And if this game really existed, Pat Duffy would be crowned the King of all Kevin Bacon Heads.   The resemblance is uncanny.

Gershon Mosely | Mos Def
Gershon Mosely | Mos Def
Did you ever notice that Gershon looks just like a beefier version of Mos Def?  I doubt Gershon can spit fiery rhymes like Mr. Def can, but then again, Mos Def’s skinny ass doesn’t have switch backside lips on lock.  If Gershon wanted to, he could single-handedly pop his doppelgangers head like an over-ripe grape.
Fred Gall | Ben Stiller
Fred Gall | Ben Stiller
I used to think that nobody had the boyish, charming features of Freddy Gall, but that was before I discovered he looks exactly like Ben Stiller. Even though Ben was a rich kid and born directly into the moist hands of Hollywood, I still think he’s funny.  I wonder if Stiller has any idea that his doppelganger has zero ties to the film business, but can frontside wallride revert the shit out of any bank to wall?  Probably not.
Marius Syvanen | Hanson
Marius Syvanen | Hanson
Marius’ look isn’t really that unique. With that shaggy blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and a complexion that would make a baby’s ass jealous, he’s pretty much Hitler’s wet dream.  But what Marius lacks in distinctive features, he makes up for in doppelganger numbers. This dude looks identical to not one, but all three members of Hanson. If these Hanson boys wanted to add a fourth colleague to their signature brand of Mmm Bop pop bullshit, you can bet your ass that Marius would be a godamned shoe-in.
Kurtis Calomonico And Lance Bass
Kurtis Calomonico | Lance Bass
Sure Kurtis Calomonico can skate but can he dance?  Lucky for Kurt his exterior clone’s got more moves than MC Hammer. From even the closest of ranges, Kurtis Calomonico is Lance Bass from N’ Sync.  Shit, Lance could rock Kurtis’ long tee, gold pendants and take all of his runs at Tampa Am.  And if Lance can skate like he harmonizes, you better believe that Schaefer’s crowning his ass first place.

 

 

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