This interview took place a few months ago during a show at the House Of Blues in Anaheim California. I interviewed front man Mark. Due to the highly intoxicated nature of the evening, I barely remember the night. What I do remember is this: throwing a full beer in some kid’s face in the front row, my girlfriend Michelle making out with one of the dudes from Youth Brigade, and a very scary, completely illegal drive home. What a great night.
Right, here we go.
It’s a bad time, but go ahead.
Alright, so I went and researched the Guttermouth website. You guys support the Christian Brooks Hope Center, which helps youngster who are depressed and contemplating suicide, right? What’s wrong with teen suicide?
What’s wrong with teenage suicide?
Nothing, cause most parents are probably teenagers themselves, so if the parents killed themselves first, then they wouldn’t have the kids and we’d solve a lot of problems.
That’s kind of a non-answer. If you were a distraught teen, how would you end it?
I would kill my parents and then kill myself.
Probably with a hammer-hatchet.
A hammer-hatchet’s pretty good. Have you ever snuck up on a dog while it was taking a shit, scared it, than watched it suck the shit back up its ass?
No, but we used to shoot bottle rockets at my old dog. It scared the daylights out of him and it was, it was entertaining.
OK well, here’s another question. If for the rest of you life you could only have sex with either super butch lesbians or super feminine she-males, which one would you choose?
Oh my god you’re evil.
Which one? Super butch, like pro-golfer lesbos, or super fem, gotta wiener but all the other good shit? Which do you want? She-male or lesbo?
Ah, I’m gonna go with lesbian.
Lesbian? But you’d probably be the bitch in that relationship.
So be it, I’m a bitch.
What’s the best minority to drag behind a pick-up truck?
I would say white people who want to act like they’re black.
That’s a good answer.
That’s just my opinion.
OK so wait, how long has Guttermouth been around now?
Seventeen or eighteen years.
Who’s dick did Ryan suck to get in the band? (Every one in the background shouting names).
No, he didn’t suck anyone’s dick. He was invited, actually, for some reason. I don’t know why.
Which minority is the hottest?
Ooh, I like half-breed Japanese and white.
Have you ever had worms?
Worms, no, I’ve never had worms. I had a dog who did.
Did you pull it out of his butt?
No, I took it to the vet.