The End is near motherfuckers! Get ready. After watching weeks of Katrina coverage I have decided that it is high time that I make a plan to escape the inevitable approaching apocalypse. It’s pretty clear that when the big one hits, we’ll all be on our own. If you are poor like I am, you’ll be fucked. We better have a plan, my friend. My strategy is to build a boat in my backyard. She’s going to be a beauty. She will be a massive, seaworthy vessel capable of handling anything the seven seas can throw at her. On her decks will rest a 4 ft mini ramp and a couple of flat bars to keep our skills sharp during those years at sea. We’ll load her with everything we could ever need. When society collapses we’ll be all provisioned and ready to go. We’ll head way out into the Pacific and wait for the rest of humanity to perish, then we’ll sail around to the great cites of the world and skate their deserted streets.
On this ship we’ll be experimenting with genetics with the goal creating of a master race of skateboarders. My plan is to capture Eric Koston and Cara Beth Burnside and shackle them in the bowels of the ship in our special breeding room. We will force them to mate and their offspring, unarguably, will be very ugly but they will be the beginnings of a superior race of skateboarders. On trips to the great cities we will leave behind their descendants who will start their own communities. I only have limited space available so if you want on my vessel you’ll need to send twenty five thousand dollars and a completed application to:
RECENTLY A FRIEND OF MINE WAS ROUNDING UP A GROUP OF 10 OR SO SKATEBOARDERS AS A FAVOR, TO TAKE PART IN SOME FEATURE PHOTO SHOOT FOR SOME ITALIAN FASHION MAGAZINE. IT ALREADY SOUNDED LAME, BUT I WAS SOLD AT THE PROMISE OF 50 BUCKS AT THE END OF THE DAY. PLUS, I’M ITALIAN SO I THOUGHT I’D GIVE MY PEOPLE A LITTLE SUPPORT, DESPITE THEIR EUROPEAN FASHION HANDICAP. I REALLY DIDN’T EXPECT MUCH. WE’D ALL SKATE SOME BULLSHIT LEDGE, DO A COUPLE 50-50’S WHILE WEARING SOME WHACK EUROPEAN GEAR, STRIKE OUR BEST MACY’S CATALOG POSES, GET A FREE LUNCH, A CHECK, AND WHISTLE SWEET FUCKING DIXIE STRAIGHT TO THE BANK. BUT THIS SHOOT WOULD BE ANYTHING BUT TYPICAL IN FACT, IT WOULD BE A DAY THAT WOULD GO DOWN IN SKATEBOARD HISTORY AS THE GAYEST DAY EVER. Read More
THIS WAS INTENDED TO BE AN ARTICLE ABOUT THE “END” OF BOARD COMPANY THAT WENT BY THE NAME OF HELLROSE. WHEN ASKED TO WRITE THIS LITTLE BEAUTY I FOUND MYSELF BAFFLED. I MEAN, REALLY, HOW DO YOU WRITE ABOUT THE BEGINNING OF THE END? I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I WOULD JUST TELL YOU ALL A LITTLE STORY OF A FAMILY OF FRIENDS TOSSED INTO AN INDUSTRY THAT THAT CHEWS YOU UP LIKE A STICK OF GUM AND THEN DISREGARDS YOU WITH THE TRASH. HELLROSE WAS STARTED THE WAY ANY GREAT THING STARTS, AT A PUB IN SAN FRANCISCO, ‘DOLLAR DRINK NIGHT’ TO BE EXACT. Read More
ON MY FIRST ATTEMPT TO INTERVIEW MOMMY AND DADDY I LITERALLY ALMOST SHIT MY PANTS. SIXTY SECONDS INTO MY SUBWAY RIDE, AN IMPATIENT SENSATION BEGAN TO RISE AND NEARLY ERUPT WITHIN THE CONFINES OF THETRAIN CAR. IF IT WEREN’T FOR MY LOVELY GIRLFRIEND, HER COMPASSIONATE FRIEND AND VARIOUS SCRAPS OF DISCARDED NEWSPAPER, I WOULD HAVE SURELY BEEN DRENCHED IN MY OWN EXCREMENT. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I NEVER INTERVIEWED MOMMY AND DADDY THAT NIGHT; MAINLY BECAUSE MY SYMPTOMS PERSISTED IN SUCH A VIOLENT AND EXPLOSIVE MANNER THAT A COMFORTABLE Q&A WAS OUT OF THE QUESTION. INSTEAD, I OPTED FOR A CASUAL PHONE CONVERSATION WITH THE BAND IN A SPOT WHERE A BATHROOM WAS IN CLOSE PROXIMITY. Read More
MICHAEL PRINCE FIRST ENTERED MY RADAR DURING THIS YEARÍS BATTLE OF THE SHOPS. MICHAEL SKATED THE HANDRAIL FOR ASYLUM SKATESHOP AND ABSOLUTELY KILLED IT. NO OFFENCE TO ASYLUM, BUT I WAS QUITE SURPRISED THAT SUCH A SMALL GRASS ROOTS SHOP HAD THAT CALIBER OF TALENT ON IT'S TEAM. MICHAEL NOT ONLY SKATES FOR ASYLUM BUT ALSO WORKS THERE ON A DAILY BASIS, IF YOU HAPPEN TO FIND YOURSELF IN OCEANSIDE CALIFORNIA ONE DAY, STOP IN AND SEE IF HE IS STILL WEARING HIS W.A.S.P. SHIRT. Read More
IF YOU SHOULD ONE DAY MEET
TERELL ROBINSON, HIS WARM SMILE AND CALM FRIENDLY MANNER WOULD NEVER REVEAL HIS PAST TO YOU. YOU WOULD NEVER GUESS THAT HE CAME FROM A WORLD WHERE YOU COULD BE SKATING A FLAT BAR ONE MINUTE AND WATCHING A GUY GET HIS HEAD BASHED IN WITH A BASEBALL BAT THE NEXT. Read More
I’VE BEEN WAITING TABLES FOR THE LAST SIX YEARS NOW. AS A FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE IT SEEMED LIKE A GREAT IDEA; GOOD MONEY, LOW HOURS, AND PLENTY OF TIME TO PURSUE MY OTHER INTERESTS (PUSSY AND ALCOHOL). BUT, AS TIME WENT BY IT STARTED TO DRIVE ME INSANE. Read More
WHEN WE DECIDED TO DO THIS INTERVIEW, I WAS PLANNING ON JUST DOING A BASIC Q&A WRITE UP, BUT THEN I REALIZED I HAVE NO GOOD QUESTIONS TO ASK, AND WES I AM SURE, WOULD NOT COME UP WITH ANY GOOD ANSWERS. BUT THEN AGAIN WHO IS ACTUALLY READING THIS SHIT ANYWAY? I DON’T THINK ANYONE WANTS TO READ ABOUT WHO WES’ FAVORITE SKATER IS, OR WHAT HIS DREAM SESSION IS, OR EVEN WHAT BOARD SIZE HE RIDES. THAT SHIT IS ALL PLAYED, AND NO ONE REALLY CARES. OR IF FOR SOME WEIRD REASON YOU DO WANT TO KNOW ALL ABOUT WES, ASK HIM YOURSELF ON MYSPACE. HE MIGHT THINK YOUR A STALKER, BUT JUST TELL HIM IT’S COOL, THAT YOU REALLY JUST WANT TO GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER. AFTER THAT YOU CAN TRY AND GET HIS NUMBER. Read More
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