By Jay Riggio           

Adopting a fetish takes time, dedication, a good hiding spot and above all, balls.  Lots of them.  Once you’ve begun to drop your hard earned cash on weird apparatus, you’ve basically subscribed to a life of what the authorities refer to as, a sexual deviant.  It sucks because if you happen to get into a bit of trouble with the law, any charity work you might have done for the retarded won’t mean shit.  That is once a garbage bag filled with ball gags, serrated butt plugs and a bunch of other weird stuff you’ve welcomed into your sexually sick mind is presented in court.  But don’t worry, because daddy Riggio has figured out a way to avoid that entire shit storm of a mess.  If you’re a skateboarder, you basically have every sex/fetish toy known to man at your dirty disposal.
            What’s better than a warm bowl of soup on a chilly winters day?  Give up?  Cock and Ball Torture silly!  Your lil’ sausage and biscuits have gone cruelty-free for far too long, and the time is now to let your penie in on what time it is.  C&BT can easily be executed using various skate products.  Sticking a new sheet of griptape to a work bench or wooden stool works lovely.  Once the glue has adhered itself, you’re all ready to transform your nuts into an abstract clump of luncheon meat.  If you’re a traditional C&BT guy and not into the proverbial crotch grindcore, you might want to go a different route.  I suggest using the glue side of your griptape.  Apply and smooth out on and around that hairy beanbag of yours and savor the slow or abrupt shock to that sac!
            Whether you enjoy delivering pain or taking it, this one is guaranteed to please.  I call this ‘The 55mm Wheel Whip.’  Just take a set of wheels and tie them to four different shoelaces.  Size and hardness of wheel may vary based upon your pain threshold.  Tie the ends of the laces to a skate key and then you’re all set to whip the fuck out of your bound and gagged sex slave.  If you’re not an ass to wheel man, no sweat. Take one of those old decks from your closet for a sturdy seven-ply ass plank.  Whack away and don’t stop until you chip the tail.  Bone or board.
            Since there’s no traditional butt-plugging object in the skate game, you’ll need to make do with what you’ve got.  In this case, it’s a set of bolts.  Mounting hardware is not only stiff and ribbed, they easily resemble a dark gang of wondrous little dicks.  If it’s serious ass play you’re into you’ll need to lose the pussy 7/8 inch bolts and get down with an old-school set of 1 1/2 inchers.  Now if it’s an extra zing you’re after, attach a nut or two to the bolts end.  Remember to take’em out before those bitches get rusty!
           
            Whether you ride riser pads or not, any fetishist will agree that they make about the best damn set of nipple clamp a sick bastard could hope for.  Take a set of risers (any height will do) and secure them together with a few thick rubber bands.  Tighten them together so that you can just barely pull them apart.  When you’re all set to pinch the shit out of those two pepporoni slices of yours, pull apart and place over your desired area.  Once centered, apply and release and then Blammo!  Bye, Bye nippy pie!
            Anal beads can and will turn any casual gathering into a monumental night to remember.  As skateboarders, we all respect our bearings.  But what most don’t know is, a full set of 8 can go a long way in the department of ass navigation.  Tie all 8 bearings to a long piece of tightly rolled up duct tape. Add some bearing lubricant or speed cream to the equation and you have yourself a party made in heaven.  Pop’em out fast or slow.  Try riding them after you’ve popped them out.  I’ve heard this is the way Swiss bearings are greased before being packaged.

Lurking beneath Tyler Hendly’s feet exists numerous opportunities for pain.  Kickflip to fakie.  Photo: Bart Jones.