Nollie Switch Krooks

For weeks Tadashi has been hitting us up to do an interview with this kid Joseph Mairena.  For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why.  Tadashi had argued that Joseph had really good photos but we had “really good photos” of other AMs.   I had sensed that there was something more going on. In an editorial meeting Tadashi suggested he make a collage dedicated to Joseph just like a little girl would do when caught up in the passion of her first schoolgirl crush.  Tadashi, in fact did make a beautiful collage but we couldn’t run it because I was afraid of getting sued for copyright infringement (he had cut out pictures from other magazines).  Joseph got his coverage because I was totally intent on finding out why Tadashi was so in love with him.

Let’s talk a little bit about Tadashi. You into that?
Ah yeah, sure.
Why do you think Tadashi loves you so much?
Loves me?  Uhhhh.  I just try to be nice to everyone and Tadashi’s a pretty good photographer   We’re pretty good friends.
Do you go to movies together and stuff?
Nahh, I guess we’re just like any other photographer and skater.  He’s a nice guy and I’m a nice guy so we get along, I guess.
So you’re not THAT good of friends.
Wait, what do you mean?
Y’know, for your portrait, we were gonna have a girl throw up on you.
No, dude, he never said that. He never said anything about that.
Oh, shit. He is protecting you. This is beautiful.  We were going to do this whole fetish theme and we were like “It’d be cool to get a portrait of Joseph with some girls throwing up on him or something.  Something stupid.  Tadashi came back to us and said you refused to do it.
He never even told me about it.
Ahhh, Tadashi really does love you.  He is  trying to protect you from us.
We were talking about some other ideas like chains and stupid gay stuff and little stuff he brought up for like a second, but I was just like,“No...”
Ok, wait.  Like what did he bring up, what kind of gay stuff?
I don’t know exactly, like maybe he was just kidding around. Just like chains and bondage and crap, I don’t know.  I didn’t really like the whole fetish idea.  I was like, “Just put me in another issue.”
So you didn’t want to do some of the stuff cause you thought it was not good for your image.  What image are you trying to portray?
Ah, a clean one.  Nothing dirty, like me getting barfed up on or kissing any girl’s ass, or foot, or something like that.  I rather just have girls on me or something, like, that any guy could relate to.  Something normal.
What do you think would happen if you got a photo published of you getting thrown up on by a girl?
Umm, I’d just get teased a lot, probably.
And that’s bad?  Don’t you think that would help your career a little bit more than just a normal interview?  Like, why should we interview you?
Well, I mean.  I don’t know about that.  I mean, something different.  I think it depends.  Obviously, I want to stand out.
Well, what would be different for you?
Well, I’m just saying, in the form of that fetish thing, I want it to be something different that I approve of, not something stupid, like getting thrown up on. 
Right. Okay. So why should we put you in the magazine? Why do you deserve an interview?
I don’t know, because I try really hard on my skateboard.  I skate all day every day.
How many dudes do you think do that across the whole nation? What sets you apart? 
I don’t know.  It’s kind of a long story.  A long time ago, like maybe like 5 years ago when I was on Sixteen Skateboards, I had an ad in Transworld, just when like a handful of Grommets were coming up, and I was like, one of them.   It was like me, and a bunch of kids and then everything is going good for me and I go to Carlsbad one day, to skate the gap, and I was just skating it and I tore my ACL, when I was like 13.  I was just like, Oh, I’ll bounce back from this.  So I go to the doctor and he’s like, you won’t be able to skate for 2 years, and I’m just like crying my eyes out and stuff.  Just balling all day for the rest of the two years.  I had a chance to come up in the industry, like before Even Hernandez, before P. Rod.  It’s just like, one of those things, what could have happened?
What about Jon Comer?  He lost his entire foot and made it.  That guy’s got a hardluck story and he turned it around.  You could do the same thing.
That’s what I mean.  That’s what I’m trying to do.  Just trying to come up again, in my own little way.
Has Tadashi ever done anything weird to you, besides asking you to put on a bunch of bondage gear and take pictures of you?
Um, I don’t know.  He’s a sketchy character.  He always has weird stuff in his car, like weird clothing, and he always has stuffed animals in his car.  I’m slowly trying to figure out he’s this type of person, or he’s that type of person. But he’s a nice person.  He takes photographs of me.  He skates. So yeah.
So, with these fetish photos, would you be into being tied up and having this dominatrix chick hit you with like a cat of nine tails?
No. No, I don’t want to be tied up.  I don’t have any need for that kind of thing.
But, so, do you think it would make you look bad, that’s the question. Why wouldn’t you do that?
Well, it’s like, I’m not that kind of person so why would I do that?
But, whatever, who cares if you’re that type of person, it’s just a funny photo.
People do things for the wrong reasons and it comes out shitty.  Yeah, other people would be laughing, but not me.  People getting tied up isn’t something funny to me. 
What about you sitting in a pile of shoes, would you have been into that?
What kind of shoes?
Just girls shoes.
I guess. 
You would’ve been into that one?
I wouldn’t have been into it but I would have done it.
What about you smelling a shoe?
Well, if it weren’t anything sexual, just laying on shoes.
So you’re afraid you could damage you’re reputation?
No, it’s just not something I’d do.  Would you do it?
Well, shit, If I was gonna get an interview in a magazine and I was trying to be a pro skater, yeah, I’d do it.
That’s just wrong.  I want people to respect and like me for me.
But people liking the real you doesn’t sell boards, when are you going to understand that?  It’s a business, and you need to come up with some sort of image to get anywhere these days. 
I’m not gonna portray someone else’s image, I’m picking my own image.
But what is your image?  You need a CATCH, a hook.  You can’t just cruise though skateboarding without a hook these days.  You need to become a pirate or something.
A pirate? 
Pick Something.
I just want to be me.
Fine.  Well, I hope like eating Ramen cause it’s gonna be a hard road.  What if we told you wouldn’t get the interview unless you did something crazy?
Well, it depends. I can think of my own crazy stuff?
Ok, let’s hear it.  Think of something crazy.
Ummm, I don’t know.
Say thanks to whomever you want now. 
Everyone at Street Machine, my parents, my family, anybody else that has helped me.  The SD guys, the Lord.