Words: Migdol

The life of a skateboarder is very much similar to the life of a seaman of the 17th century. Both were a dirty, drunken lot of men who cast off the chains of society in search of freedom and adventure. Here’s our little tribute to all that is salty.
[Editor’s note: These are perhaps the gayest three sentences that have ever appeared in this magazine.]

All sailing war ships carried iron cannons.? Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls.? The best storage method was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.? To prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others a metal plate called a “Monkey” with 16 round indentations was placed under the balls. If this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it.? The solution to the rusting problem was to make “Brass Monkeys.” Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey.? Thus, it was quite literally, “Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.”.

Cutting your hair or nails at sea is bad luck. These were used as offerings to Proserpina, and Neptune will become jealous if these offerings are made while in his kingdom.

Sailors believed that if a cat licked its fur against the grain it meant a hailstorm was coming; if it sneezed, rain was on the way; and if it was frisky, the wind would soon blow.

Avoid people with red hair when going to the ship to begin a journey. Redheads bring bad luck to a ship, which can be averted if you speak to the redhead before they speak to you.

A stone thrown over a vessel that is putting out to sea ensures she will never return.

A naked woman on board will calm the sea.

This is the reason for naked figureheads.

Priests are not lucky to have on a ship.

The remnants of the amniotic sac from the head of a newborn child is protection against drowning and will bring the owner good luck.

When another sailor wears the clothes of a dead sailor during the same voyage, misfortune will befall the entire ship.