I’m a 29-year-old man. But if you were to spend an evening occupying my brain space, you’d be embarrassed by how childlike I see the world. Amongst an array of putrid details that make up the emotionally bankrupt person, there exists the shear fact that I routinely execute schoolboy crushes. From the Puerto Rican lady bagging my groceries to the Italian beauty spooning my Rocky Road cone, I fall in love with the frequency of taking a piss.

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All hail the king idiot from Salt Lake City. I’m sure you don’t know who this dude is and there is a good reason for that. He’s a pile of drunken stupidity. Not only is he adept at skateboarding he also is pretty good at peeing his pants. This was supposed to be an interview but numb nuts showed up too wasted to answer any of my questions. Instead I got a story of how he sharted his pants the day before and didn’t care enough to realize until today when he found crusty stuff in his drawers.
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FORMER GIRLFRIEND/EX-WIFE: STALEFISH

LOVE INTEREST UNDER THE AGE OF 21: EARLY-GRAB

TOO MUCH WHISKEY: BONELESS

DENIED ANAL: TAIL-BLOCK

SHUT DOWN OVER THE PHONE: HANGING UP

FUN SPANKING: TAIL-SLAP
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YOU HID YOUR POLE IN A BUSH? THAT’S FUNNY.
Yeah, I was hiding in the bushes. So I pulled out my camera and pretended that I was taking pictures. I just walked straight out like I wasn’t doing anything wrong. They were hanging out by my car and started asking me questions. They were like, “What are you doing around here?” I was like, “Just taking photos.” . “What of the road?”. I was like “Yeah”. So I got away with it.
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Invented by Morishei Ueshiba in the early twentieth century. The parallels between aikido and skateboarding are profound. by the end of this little juant you may just find a new interpretation of this thing we call skateboarding, one that has the potential to unlock new levels on the four-wheeled path.
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THE TEAM MANAGER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF HIS TEAM. IF A MEMBER OF THE TEAM CAUSES MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF DAMAGE TO A HOTEL ROOM, ULTIMATELY, IT’S THE TEAM MANAGER’S JOB TO DEAL WITH IT. DEVILLE NUNES TM FOR POWELL SKATEBOARDS ONCE AGAIN SHOWS THAT A DRUNKEN AM ON THE LOOSE IS A VERY DANGEROUS THING.
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The life of a skateboarder is very much similar to the life of a seaman of the 17th century. Both were a dirty, drunken lot of men who cast off the chains of society in search of freedom and adventure. Here’s our little tribute to all that is salty.
[Editor’s note: These are perhaps the gayest three sentences that have ever appeared in this magazine.]
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Each issue we give one lucky fellow the opportunity to spew as much shit as they can about a few randomly chosen topics. the only rule being, they can say absolutely nothing positive about the topic what so ever. this time around we let legendary H-Street skater ron allen takes a stab at our shit talk corner.
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I was surprised that kevin actually answered his phone the first time i called him. what surprised me even more is that he had to call me back because he was “riding his scooter.” who answers their phone while riding a scooter? kevin does, only to tell you that he’ll call you right back, which he did. riding a scooter kind of makes you a pussy, but the fact that kevin’s gnarly enough to answer a cell phone in traffic minimizes the puss aspect of it all.
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