Despite what liberal humanists might claim to the contrary, humans in general are naturally vicious, bloodthirsty animals. We hate and hurt and maim and kill whenever given the opportunity, and, when provided the facelessness of a mob, are capable of atrocities that chill the soul.
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I have some weird talk radio obsession. I rarely listen to music when I am in my car. When it’s not Howard Stern on Sirius, I like to listen to all the retarded political pundents spew their views over the AM frequency. About a week before our Battle Of The Shops contest I was listening to some fruitcake on the radio get himself all worked up about an upcoming astrological event. He mentioned that during the month of October there was going to be 3 degrees of Scorpio and Venus was forming an opposition pattern with Uranus.
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FOR THE 6TH YEAR IN A ROW, PUNK ROCK FOLKS FROM ALL ACROSS THE LAND CONVERGED ON THE COLLEGE TOWN OF GAINESVILLE, FLORIDA TO DRINK COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF $1.50 PABST BLUE RIBBON DRAFTS AND SEE 180+ BANDS PLAY VARIOUS VENUES OVER 3 DAYS. I’M ACTUALLY SURPRISED I REMEMBER ANY OF IT. I WAS GLORIOUSLY HAMMERED.
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For Kenny Hoyle’s feature I figured I would talk to his mom and dad to get some juicy content. I expected to hear some crazy stories that only a parent could tell about their offspring. Unfortunately I had come to find out that Kenny’s family life was close to ideal which is really boring from an editorial standpoint.
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The house I live in ran out of oil last night and when I woke up this morning my room was 52 degrees. I’m sitting here trying to think of some great things to say about Massachusetts and my fingers are so stiff I can barely hit the right keys. 52 degrees! I’ve learned to pee in the morning using those wooden toast tongs rather than face the cold wrath of my own fingers. Welcome to Massachusetts! You can thank us Massholes for your freedom. The rest of the country owes their independence to some drunken Massholes who didn’t want to pay taxes to the British a couple hundred years ago.
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N FOURTH GRADE, I PLAYED THE “WHAT?” GAME. IF YOU UTTERED “WHAT?” YOU WERE THE LOSER, AND THEN YOU HAD FIVE MINUTES TO GET RID OF THAT WORD. I DESIGNED THIS INTERVIEW FOR MULTIPLE CONFUSIONS, AND DIDN’T GET AS MANY “WHAT?’S” AS I’D HAVE LIKED. TYSON WAS A GOOD SPORT, THOUGH. AND HE RIPS.
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FRESH OFF A VIDEO TOUR, BIRDHOUSE TM STEVE HARING SHARES WITH US A TYPICAL DAY IN THE LIFE OF A TEAM MANAGER, WHICH ONCE AGAIN SHOWS US THAT THE JOB OF MANAGING SKATEBOARDERS IS A LOT LIKE HERDING CATS FOR A LIVING.
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