YOU’RE THE GUY WITH A RAINBOW ON HIS BOARD, RIGHT?
What?

YOU’RE CESAR FERNANDEZ, YOU WORK AT UNITED, RIGHT? YOU SKATE?
Yeah, that’s me.

FIRST OF ALL, WHO DO YOU SKATE FOR?
Ezekiel Clothing, Etnies flow, Team BK, Mesh Skatepark, Longwood, FL.

IS YOUR STYLE SOMETHING THAT YOU WERE BORN WITH OR SOMETHING THAT YOU’VE GROWN TO LOVE AND EMBRACE?
Grown to love, but work with everyday.

HOW OLD ARE YOU, SISTER?
20.

THE AUTOMATIC EDITORIAL OFFICE TELLS ME YOU’RE THE FIRST OPENLY GAY SHOP TALENT AUTOMATIC HAS RUN. DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE BLURRING THE BOUNDARIES IN A TYPICALLY HETEROSEXUAL SPORT?
No, that’s a false statement. I’m not gay. I have a girlfriend.

WHAT’S THE HARDEST PART OF A GAY SKATER?
The fashion part of it all.

WRONG. IT’S HIS DICK. DOES A MAN’S ANUS FEEL AS GOOD AS THE ANUS OF A WOMAN?
(Laughs) I would think not, no.

WHEN YOU’RE ANGRILY POUNDING YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S ASS, WHAT KIND OF MEN ARE YOU THINKING OF?
The biggest, burliest ones I can think of.

SO BEARS, THEN?
I guess.

IS IT TRUE THAT A MOUTH IS A MOUTH? OR DO MEN GIVE BETTER ORAL SEX THAN WOMEN?
I don’t think that any man could give oral sex as good as a woman.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MOUSTACHES?
Coming back, for sure.

LIKE THEY EVER WENT AWAY, DO YOU GET YOUR SHARE OF FILF’S DOWN THERE IN LAKEWOOD?
FILF with an “F?”

YES. FATHERS. BETTER YET, DO YOU EVER SEE FATHER-SON TEAMS YOU’D LOVE TO ASSIST?
No, nothing like that.

HOW WOULD YOU COMPARE SKATEBOARDING TO LIVE MUSICAL THEATER?
I appreciate both of them when I watch.

WHAT WAS IT LIKE, YOUR FIRST TIME?
Uhhh...definitely nerve-wracking

WOULD YOU RATHER LIPSLIDE A BOX OR NOSEGRIND A RAIL?
Definitely backside lipslide a box. With the flip-in, flip-out.

HOW MANY HOMOSEXUAL SKATERS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?
None. Because there aren’t any?

ALMOST. THEY CAN’T. THEY’RE TOO BUSY SCREWING EACH OTHER.
(Laughs) That’s funny.

ONE LAST QUESTION: PITCH OR CATCH?
Neither.

SO, GIVE OR TAKE?
Take, but not in a homosexual way. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

REGULAR OR FAKIE?
Both.