There are many traits that I exhibit that I would like to say define me in life. I love alcohol. I love skateboarding. I love paying for sex. That being stated, I’ll be eulogized as an “alcoholic skateboarder with AIDS” at death. I’m okay with that. Life was what you loved, so what do you do with a lifeless corpse of a lifelong skateboarder? Here are a few ideas:

Around the last turn of the century, people used to go to graveyards and cemeteries for recreation. Wilbur and Mabel used to have Saturday picnics six feet above rotten corpses. If there were skate spots at cemeteries today, I’d bet we’d see a resurgence of pleasant, non-mourning activity like those of yesteryear. Here’s how you can make this happen, locate the graveyard of your choice and get prices on plots. Check the cost of the land plus restrictions on how large your grave marker can be. Make enough money to secure your resting spot. Now go ahead and die.
Have your remains cremated and put in a large coffee can for storage. After your funeral service, have your friends go to the cemetery with a concrete truck. Have them dump your ashes into the concrete. With the right people supervising, you could have a tiny concrete mini-ramp poured right onto your grave site in a matter of hours.

Crucial part: get all your friends in on it. The idea is that everyone has an adjoining plot with some sense of continuity. Your wife gets the spot next to you, and your eternal mini-ramp extends four more feet. Your buddy dies and in his honor a sweet hip is built. Hell, when someone dies in your extended family that didn’t skate, turn them into flat-bottom.
We can take this idea a step further and create a full on Memorial Skate park. Think hippy-commune idea of Skatopia, combined with the reverence of Death. We’ll need five acres (or more) of land, preferably in a dry climate. Instead of a dinky mini-ramp crosscut, now when you pass you get entombed into your own feature within the park. After contributing an allotted amount of work time into the death skate park you will be immortalized with your very own hubba, manual-pad, oververt cradle, or whatever you think people would want to remember you by. We’ll need more volunteers for the pouring of these larger projects, but we could schedule workweeks annually. Someone dies in May, they’re cremated, stored, and then poured in October with the three other skaters that passed on that year. We could create a trust or fund or some sort of financial savings account for materials, and then the size of your feature is based on what you put into the “Death Fund.” The only major drawback is it would actually take seventy years to get going. Anyone game?