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INTERVIEW BY Kendall Klopfenstein
*Disclaimer:
Automatic Magazine does not condone smoking weed, especially, during interviews. Being stoned makes you lazy, forgetful, and inhibits sperm production. Ah, wait, what was I saying?
ALEX GAVIN IS AN ALRIGHT GUY IN MY BOOK, OR ON THESE PAGES. HE’S BEEN SKATING FOR TWENTY-ONE YEARS. THAT’S LONGER THAN YOU’VE PROBABLY BEEN ALIVE. HE’S WELL TRAVELED, WELL-RESPECTED, AND WELL, CANADIAN. HE’S WELL KNOWN THROUGHOUT BOTH THE MONTREAL AND VANCOUVER SCENES, AND ISN’T SCARED TO DEFEND THE USE OF GLOVES IN WINTER STREET SKATING. I DIDN’T REALLY THINK HE PARTICULARLY DESERVED THE RELIGION INTERVIEW, BUT HE GOT IT ANYWAY. I COULD TELL WE WOULD GET ALONG.
DO YOU GIVE AWAY TEN PERCENT OF YOUR EARNINGS TO YOUR CHURCH?
No. No I don’t. I don’t even make enough. I might even ask them for money.
DOESN’T THE GOOD LORD DESERVE YOUR MONEY?
Not really, no.
DO YOU EVER GO TO CHURCH?
I can’t say I’ve been in twenty years. My father used to go every Sunday. I can remember skating in the parking lot while he’d be at service, or whatever. I can’t really say I’ve spent much time in churches since.
WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR BODY WHEN YOU DIE?
Doesn’t it just decompose? You know, rot and get eaten by worms as organic matter?
WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR ETERNAL SOUL WHEN YOU DIE?
No clue, dude.
ISN’T IT FUNNY THAT GOD IS LOVE, BUT CHRISTIANS DON’T LIKE PEOPLE THAT AREN’T LIKE THEM?
Well, isn’t that just the fanatics, though? Not every Christian hates Muslims. It’s just the wacky ones.
WERE YOU BAPTIZED AS A CHILD?
Oh, yes.
I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT BEING ANOINTED WITH HOLY WATER KEEPS YOUR CHILD FROM GOING TO HELL.
Funny how that works out, right?
I’M THINKING ABOUT STARTING YET ANOTHER CHRISTIAN VENTURE IN THE SKATE WORLD. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BIBLE CARRYING POUCHES THAT STRAP ON TO THE BOTTOM OF YOUR DECK? YOU COULDN’T DO BOARDSLIDES WITHOUT GOING TO HELL, BUT WE COULD CALL IT THE “HOLY ROLLER.” WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ALEX GAVIN’S HOLY ROLLER?
Sure. (laughs) What’s the cut? With respect to your company, what are my royalties looking like?
FINISH THIS SENTENCE: WHEN I SEE MISSIONARIES COMING DOWN THE STREET TOWARDS MY PLACE, I _______.
Hide. Maybe draw the blinds.
HAVE YOU EVER SPOKEN IN TONGUES?
No. But I caught some of that on youtube or whatever. That’s some weird shit, right?
WHO DO YOU THINK THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD IS?
Must be one of the bankers.
(tokes and coughs)
IT’S NOT A TWO-THOUSAND YEARS DEAD CARPENTER?
No, probably not. (laughs)
ALEX GAVIN GETS A CHANCE TO AMEND THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. GIVE ME THREE OF THEM.
1. Smoke bud all day long and share.
2. Only work two days a week.
3. Sleep in as long as you want. Everyday. No questions asked.
WHEN ALMIGHTY GOD LOOKS DOWN ON HIS EARTH, DO YOU THINK HE CAN SEE CANADIANS, ALSO?
Sure, yeah. They’re right next to the American right, right?
(Coughs)
YEAH, RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU THINK HELL LOOKS LIKE, AND WHAT SORT OF PEOPLE MIGHT A HEATHEN FIND THERE?
Have you ever been on Hastings in Vancouver? It’d be a lot like that. Just crack dealers. Crack heads. Red light seedy shit.
Hell might just be more fun.
DO CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRLS RULE?
Yeah, sure. The Red Hot Chili Peppers said so, right?
DO YOU THINK THAT GOD HAS A PROBLEM WITH CONDOMS IN AFRICA?
I don’t think it is God that would have a problem. More like men representing God have a problem.
IS THERE A GOD?
No clue. I’d like to think there’s a higher being. But I can’t be sure. I haven’t seen him. Or her.
IF TWO GROWN ADULTS WANT TO PLUG A HOLE, SHOULD THEY BE MARRIED?
Whatever they believe in, I don’t care. I’ve never married, no kids. If two people think that they need to get married to have a good time, good for them. If they think that God wants them to do that, who am I to say they shouldn’t?
WHO DO YOU SKATE FOR?
Premium Wood. We Clothing. Nixon. Revolver Bearings. Globe Shoes. Brixton Gear.
WHY DO YOU SKATE FOR THEM?
‘Cause they’re damn good brands.
(coughs)
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