Memoirs of a Team Manager With Bill Weiss

Memoirs of a Team Manager With Bill Weiss

Bill Weiss

Here Bill Weiss recounts a Team Manager horror story that involves Grant Patterson and a drugged up psychopath.

Memoirs of a Team Manager With Bill Weiss

Bill Weiss has been a TM for many years so it natural he would have a good team manager horror story for us. The incident below occurred during a filming trip to Australia. It goes to show you that there are sketchy people in even the most civilized parts of the world willing to cause your team harm.

Bill Weiss explains:
One of the wildest things that happened to me as a Team Manager was a trip a few years ago in Sydney, Australia. We were over there filming for the What If? Video and were going at it nonstop. After 12 days of the team putting their bodies on the line we came up on an incredible amount of footage. We all decided it was time for a well-deserved night out. We called upon our friend Peanut to show us the town. We met him at an old mess hall that was having a party. The drinks were flowing and then somehow we caught wind that Grant Patterson used to be a gymnast and had Mary Lou Retton abilities. We all demanded to see a handspring to a back flip and sure enough the little-flying-XXL tee-wearing-madman did it first try. From then on whatever we demanded in the way of gymnastics he obliged. That bar began to get old so we headed to the Kings Cross. This is one of the shadiest places on earth; it would make the bar from Star Wars on Tattouine look normal. Dirt bags and drug addicts were as far as the eye could see. It is well known that the crack head shitballs of the Kings Cross region rob people with dirty bloody syringes. In the bar things were getting out of hand. Corey Sheppard was dancing with a full size skeleton for hours and shots were going down like water. When it was getting near last call, Grant Patterson told me he was going to walk to the hotel. Everyone begged him to wait for us and we’d all walk together just incase we had to fend off any shitballs. We gathered to leave and noticed Grant was gone. We looked around and then one of the bouncers came up to me and asked if I was with the midget with the giant shirt.

“Yes!” I replied, and he said he was outside with a broken arm. “Yeah right!” I ran outside. Sure enough I found Grant lying on the ground with a mangled arm, “What happened” I asked? He explained that he had just gone across the street from the bar, was standing at a light, and some dude bumped into him. Grant said, “Look out buddy.” The guy told Grant to fuck off and pushed him. Grant then swung at the guy only to have his arm intercepted then flipped onto his back at which point, the guy focused Grant’s arm inward at the elbow Steven Seagal style.

Grant crawled back to the bar for help. My friend Peanut got an ambulance and off to the ER we went.
Once we were at the hospital they put Grant behind a curtain and gave him morphine for his pain. He was mumbling on about how sorry he was this had happened. I told him not to worry about it and we would get him fixed up.

Grant was a little loud. Another patient yelled at Grant, “Shut the fuck up or I will break your other arm!” I was tired and pissed so I pulled the curtain back to see who this joker was and saw that the dude had a knife stuck in his head. I smiled and told him we would try and keep it down. Obviously this guy had enough problems.
When the police arrived for Grant’s statement they informed us about a drug called ICE that was being used quite heavily in that part of town. It gives its user superhuman strength and angry outbursts for 20 minutes after they shoot it in the ass or whatever those dirt bags do. So Grant was an example of assault triggered by angry drug abuse. Brutal!

Then when we went in the operating room I fell asleep in a chair and woke up to a mutated but healed Grant. We laughed about the night and headed for a cab. Just as the cab pulled up Grant started puking projectile style and the cab diver yelled at me, “Fuck off! I am not taking him!” We were fucked and had to walk back to the hotel but we had a lot of funny stuff to talk about. Thanks Grant.
-Bill Weiss

Grant Patterson is Bill Weiss’ TM nightmare. Pop Shuv-it. Sequence: Jody Morris.

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