Chad Knight | Issue 51

Chad Knight
Chad Knight
I have always known Chad Knight to be a nice soft-spoken kind of guy. I was a little surprised when he called me up and volunteered to spew hate in our Shit Talk Corner. It took him a while but he managed to muster enough shit talking to fill this page. Below is his negative rant to the 6 random topics we gave him.

GIRLS
Girls are the only category of people who can’t get along with each other. Why? Because girls nag and whine and complain all the while expecting to be treated like a princess. I saw a license plate on a Benz the other day that read, “Used to be his”. I have never been more tempted to run someone off the road. Why would you want to show off that you have to rely on someone else to get what you want? Go get a job. At least hookers admit they fuck for money.

TIME
It just takes and takes and takes and never gives you anything back. I’ve already wasted too much of it writing this fucking thing. Time is a relentless slave driver. Time never gives you a break or a chance to catch your breath. Fuck time and fuck every tax day it inevitably brings to me. And fuck the Rolling Stones for telling me that time is on MY side, because it sure as hell is not!

THE SKATE MEDIA
This is the sadistic god of the skateboard industry that demands teen sacrifice. Unknowns who want to make it into the magazines have to be willing to risk their life and their nuts. Self sacrifice for the glory. Little Billy is going to fucking castrate himself trying to noseslide El Toro to get his picture in a magazine. All will and no skill is the mantra of the Skate Media these days. Luckily I got my foot in the door when all it took was a slappy noseslide on a red curb.

ElECTRICITY
It was a much simpler time. The time before we, skateboarders, realized what generators could do for us. I remember touring when we would skate all day and at night we would recuperate and sleep like humans are designed to. Nowadays tours consist of demos in the day and street skating at night. Generators are a way for companies to ring us out even further for the $10 a day per diem they gives us on tour. They want you to sleep only when you die. Fuck generators and the electricity they produce.

HAIR
I think full body electrolysis at birth is the answer. Hair just plain sucks. It is simply a nuisance. I don’t want hair stuck in my teeth, in my fucking burrito, all over my clothes from your stupid cat that decided I was a good place to sit, in my bed, in my drain, on a girls upper lip or even in her fucking armpit, leaving grease spot on the window in my car, making my pelvic bone raw, dreading up and growing fucking mold in it, growing on my peaches, getting ingrown or having some gum get stuck in it.

GOALS
I can’t think of a better way to remind yourself what you are not capable of doing by setting a few of these too high. Shoot for the stars and land on your face.

Chad Knight frontside 360

Chad Knight Frontsde 360. Sequence: Macero

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