Jake Brown | Issue 54

Jake Brown

Jake Brown Photos By Brian Fick

Jake Brown Photos By Brian Fick

Damn, Jake Brown can talk some shit! Only a few minutes after I Emailed him the topics for this issue’s Shit Talk Corner he hit me back with these gems. As you know, each issue we give one lucky person the opportunity to spew as much shit as they can about a few randomly chosen topics we provide for them. The only rule is they can say absolutely nothing positive about the topic.

Underwear is bullshit! Why even wear it? Do you plan on taking off your overwear and running down the street? When it’s too tight you can’t even move properly, if all your underwear is dirty you have to run the same pair until the situation is remedied then if you oops poops that pair, you’re shit out of luck literally.

Jake Brown

Jake Brown fall down go BOOM!

Women suck (literally). You’re hungry. She’s tired. You’re tired. She’s hungry. You want a blowjob. She’s got a toothache. You’re at the pub, it’s Valentines day. You’re at the casino, it’s her birthday. You’re at the racetrack, its Christmas. You’re on your last pair of underwear; she didn’t wash your used ones yet.

Wakeboarding is the worst! Surfing is okay and snowboarding is boarder line but mix those two and get towed behind a boat, WAK! These dudes are from some lake in the Timbuktu desert but they look like they just got out of the surf at Tressels. All you have to do is dye your hair blonde and smoke a pound of weed and you’re a wakeboarder. What really pisses me off is that these dudes have shoe sponsors! All the big companies sponsor these fuckers. Killer! They have no room for Pat Duffy, James Craig, or Peter Smolik, but they have a wakeboarding team. Do you wakeboard in shoes? No? Fuck you!

A dog will bite you if you’re a pussy and act scared. Stepping in dog shit fucking sucks. You better find a powerful hose to get that shit off. If you haven’t noticed you’ve stepped in dog shit and show up to your friend’s house for a couple beers it won’t take long to get into the carpet and then everyone’s looking around, you look down and you have dog shit on your shoe. Damn!

Tires suck when they wear out because you have to buy new ones also if you have a spare tire around your belly that sucks too, this topic sucks I’m tired.

Hmmmmm… let me think of the sketchiest possible item to eat and let’s sell it for top dollar and see how many dummies line up for the crap. Ever slide a slug down your throat? Well this shit is similar. Just to disguise this shit they recommend you cover it in an Incredible Hulk chili paste that is enough to make dog shit taste good.

Jake Brown Rock N Roll

Jake Brown Rock N Roll

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