Joey Pepper | Issue 50

Shit Talk Corner with Joey Pepper

Shit Talk Corner with Joey Pepper

Shit Talk Corner with Joey Pepper

THIS ISSUE’S SHIT TALKER IS NONE OTHER THAN JOEY PEPPER. IT TOOK JOEY A LITTLE LONGER THAN USUAL TO GET THIS DONE BECAUSE HE WASN’T FEELING “NEGATIVE” ENOUGH. A TRIP BACK EAST CURED THIS PROBLEM WHERE JOEY SAYS, “THE NEGATIVITY WAS FLOWING LIKE WATER.”. BELOW ARE FIVE RANDOM TOPICS WE GAVE JOEY TO LET RIP A TIRADE OF HATE.

BICYCLES
Every asshole in a city has a bike these days. Most of the ones you’ll see around San Francisco are fixed gear, single speed bikes. These bikes were originally designed for racing in the velodromes but were later adapted to the city streets. Don’t get one just because you want to look like the lost Beatle wearing your mommy’s designer jeans. It’s not a fashion accessory. You’re not gonna ride faster or better just because you have the rarest imported Japanese “damn blood” bike, and look like one of the strokes. I have to admit, it does brighten my day every time I see another hipster dickwad cruising down Market Street checking his faux-hawk, when his front tire slips into the train track, tossing the waif-boy violently to the street below.

GRASS
I’m from the East Coast. We got lawns back there. Plush, green lawns. What the fuck is up with California? I don’t think I’ve seen a lawn since I’ve been here. A backyard in California consists of a plod of dirt that has been packed down for the last 20 years, and a tarp covered in rocks. I love barbecuing barefoot on some nice lava rocks. My friend Nikhil Thayer has one of these backyards. He also has a beautiful newborn daughter. Nothing like having a weekend BBQ with the friends and family on a hot bed of lava rocks. His baby is gonna develop shin’s like mine. When I go to his house I feel like I’m on planet Pluto. Oh wait. Pluto isn’t a planet anymore, C’mon scientists! Have you ever seen the movie “Rudy”? I think Pluto has proved that it has enough heart to be called a planet. Let’s rename Pluto, “Rudy”, start a slow clap for him, and call it a day.

HIPPIES
Fuck a dirty hippie. Fuck white dudes with dreadlocks. Fuck patchouli, fuck hemp bracelets, fuck pan handling, fuck Phish, fuck Burning Man, fuck fire juggling, fuck Birkenstocks, fuck vegans, fuck Volkswagen, fuck hairy chicks, fuck tofu, fuck Jerry and cherry Garcia, fuck smiley faces, fuck bumper stickers, fuck mushrooms, fuck pooka-shells, fuck free love, fuck drum circles, fuck hackysacks, fuck notdogs, fuck jafakens, fuck tie-dyes, fuck body piercings, fuck henna tattoos, sun tattoos, dolphin tattoos, tribal bands, fuck dread bags, fuck pony tails, fuck Haight and Ashbury, fuck trust fund hippies, fuck “Mean People Suck” stickers, fuck Woodstock, fuck Nag Champa, fuck glass pipes, fuck bongs, fuck yoga, fuck meditation, fuck body odor, fuck p.e.t.a., fuck soy beans, fuck animals, fuck hugging trees, fuck the green party, fuck recycling, fuck the ozone, fuck Greenpeace, fuck hybrid cars, fuck ethanol, fuck high times, fuck Humboldt, fuck dank nuggs, fuck anyone who brings veggie burgers to a barbeque, fuck granola, fuck whole foods, fuck compost, fuck voodoo sticks, fuck hippies. Give me a cold whiskey and rare steak anyday.

Shit Talk Corner with Joey Pepper

180 nosegrind revert. Sequnce: Tadashi

CNN
Soledad O’Brian and her planet of the ape’s ass can suck it. Miles O’brien can take a shit, and Anderson Cooper can stop saving puppies in New Orleans and come wash the piss off my bathroom floor.

SKATE INDUSTRY SALES REPS
These dudes might be slightly more tolerable if they removed any of the 20 dicks from their mouths while attempting to hold any sort of conversation. I don’t want to hear about how long you’ve been down with the “industry” or the 900 other bullshit reasons you’re so “core”. I don’t want to hear about how sick the spring catalogue is going to be or how “so an so’s” been comin’ up. I don’t give a fuck about the demo YOU put together last week and I sure as fuck don’t care about how your fucking whack ass shoe is gonna “Blow the doors off of the skate industry.”. Nobody gives a shit about your debilitating knee injury and how you miss skateboarding more than anything. Save the sob story pussy. Nobody wants to hear about who’s repping, who’s slacking, or how marketable little Johnny is. Industry updates can take a shit and so can your bag of samples.

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