Pat Rakestraw | Issue 53

Pat Rakestraw

Pat Rakestraw can talk some serious shit. Welcome to Shit Talk Corner.

Welcome to Shit Talk Corner. Each issue we give one lucky person the opportunity to spew as much shit as they can about a few randomly chosen topics we provide for them. The only rule is they can say absolutely nothing positive about the topic. This issue’s shit talker is the great Pat Rakestraw. Pat had a bit of a rough start finding shit to talk about some of our topics, before long though, he got right in the grove and got some good hating going.

BEDS
Pat Rakestraw: I really hate those fucking bed commercials on T.V. They drive me crazy. “We’ve got the lowest prices on mattresses! We’re unbeatable!” Those suck. That is the lamest thing I can think of about beds. Those guys just bug me.

SKATEBOARDING WEBSITES
Pat Rakestraw: Skateboarding websites bring out the worst in people. People have so much shit to talk about things they don’t even know about. It’s whack that people who don’t know shit go on there and act like experts. It’s mostly the older dudes who don’t know shit about skateboarding, they sit on a computer instead of just skating. It’s just fucked up.

MUSIC
Pat Rakestraw: There are a whole bunch of shitty bands out there. The worst is new pop country music. New hip-hop is really bad too. Those whacked assed bands in Hollywood that think they are Motley Crew and shit. I hate those bands. Also new dance music, that high hat type shit. I can’t stand that scenester dance music. It fucking makes me sick. R & B can suck my nut. Soul music is annoying. It’s hard as shit to make it in the music business but maybe that is because all the bands suck. Getting famous can bring out the worst in bands.

SKATEBOARDERS RIDING MOTORCYCLES
Pat Rakestraw: This trend started happening about two years ago. Somebody is going to slam hard. You can trust yourself on a motorcycle but you can’t trust all the other drivers on the road. You could be going totally fine and then you’re getting scraped off the road by a paramedic. As a trend, it’s dumb to invest in to a piece of equipment that is going to kill you and depreciate over time.

SOAP
Pat Rakestraw: The really bad thing about soap is when it gets inside the tip of your pee pee head when you’re stroking with it in the shower. It hurts like a motherfucker. I think it’s kind of like when you eat a bunch of hot wings and then go down on a chick. That shit will burn the lips!

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
Pat Rakestraw: There are way too many people in Southern California. There is smog. The traffic is ridiculous. I went to the bank today in Hollywood and it was like going to the DMV. It takes forever. Motherfuckers are all hot, sweaty, and farting in the line and shit, it’s just bad. There are a lot of shallow people. Chicks for one, in Southern California care about what you do more than who you are. It’s hard to just go skating. Every skate spot is a bust. Everyone is at your spot. And you are at everyone else’s spot and you feel weird about it. I just went to the park the other day and there was like three film crews there. It’s ridiculous. It’s expensive in Southern California. Everyday is the same; the weather doesn’t change so you just get burnt on such a monotonous metrological state. And then there are the Bros. Dude! When I moved out here I didn’t know what a “Bro” was. I wish I could now forget what they were. They are meat-heads. They are the West Coast jocks, the West Coast football team, with their Volcom stickers and lifted trucks. It’s annoying.

CARS
Pat Rakestraw: Cars are the reason we are at war right now. There are way too many cars. Our public transit could be way better. Instead of traffic being blocked up on the 117 it could be a subway instead. Fuck cars. It’s all a racket, parking tickets, insurance. They just want your money. Fuck having to have auto insurance for no reason. It sucks when other people hit you and they don’t have stupid insurance, especially when you get hit by a car when you are riding a motorcycle.

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