IT WAS A NICE SURPRISE TO CHECK MY EMAIL ONE MORNING AND SEE THESE GEMS OF HATE IN MY INBOX SENT FROM THE GREAT RON WHALEY. USUALLY IT TAKES SEVERAL EMAILS AND PHONE CALLS TO GET A PROPER SHIT TALK CORNER BUT RON’S SUCH A MOTIVATED AND TALENTED HATER/SHIT TAKER THAT HE GOT IT DONE AND SENT IT IN UNSOLICITED. NO HASSLES NO FUSS. BRAVO RON WHALEY, BRAVO!
ONE UPPERS AND BEAMERS
Sorry kid, I could give a fuck about the trick you just landed so stop looking at me. You don’t really exist aside from being a brief annoyance. Over zealous entertainment at best. My friends and I are making fun of you. Just because we’re having a good time doesn’t mean you’re a part of it. Oh, and trying the same trick as me is only going to get you into trouble. If you could keep up, you wouldn’t be worried about it….And no I don’t have any trucks for you.
Ever since the Lakai video came out lipslide combos are all the rage. Way to be original kids. There’s a reason we stopped doing them in the 90’s so don’t wax the shit out of the top of my ledge. If I see one more Lipslide to switch crooks or kickflip I’m gonna fucking puke. I like Mariano when he does impossible tricks; not tricks to impossible.
“SPONSOR ME TAPES” FROM A 12 YEAR OLD’S PARENTS
What prompts you to think that they deserve a factory sponsorship anyway? Great, he can do vertical kickflips and stinkbug airs over small jumps. You don’t know anything about skating and everyone tells you your kid is really good. They also say he (or she) is adorable. No one’s ever going to tell a parent to their face that their kid is ugly and sucks at skating. This is America. We lie. What do you think? He’s gonna be the next Sheckler? Is that what you want for your kid? Have you actually watched the show? He’s always crying about something. Jesus. Get your kid some peace of mind, don’t turn their dreams of having fun into a paycheck when they’re 12. Furthermore, Fuck you for exploiting your child. All the work this country put into child labor laws and you’re going back a century for who? Think this is for your kid? Do you know what the skate industry is like? I know you had a good time at the Tampa Am and it was nice to have some grimy skater call you a MILF, they’ll hit anything in Florida. I saw this episode of The Soup where Donnie Bonaducci was talking to parents of child actors about horrible paths previous child actors have taken. He talked about Drew Barrymore on drugs at 15, the 2 Coreys’ fall from grace, and he even showed them the spot where River Phoenix overdosed. Afterward Bonaducci asked, “Who still wants their child to be an actor?” They all raised their hands. Fucking parental parasites.
Noseblunt Slide Transfer | Sequence: SP
Pole Jam | Photo: Sam McGuire