Stewart Graham | Issue 56

Shit Talke Corner with STEWART GRAHAM 

Shit Talk Corner with Stewart Graham

Shit Talk Corner with Stewart Graham

Stewart Graham is from Livingston, Scotland. Aside from speaking funny, the residents of this gritty working class neighborhood can talk some serious shit. Below, Livingston’s favorite son, Stewart Graham lets the shit fly in a very thick Scottish accent. (if you can’t read this with a Scottish accent we highly recommend that you find someone who can and have them read it to you.). 

Every issue we give one lucky head the chance to spew as much hate as they can muster from some randomly chosen topics and this is the Shit Talk that only Scotland can dish out.

Carpet
Right, here’s yas go peeps. Let ma drunk ass sleep over if I’m slightly intoxicated. Kiz I am awfully bad fur leaving strange stains of many shapes and sizes, be warned kiz am a pure cunt fur it. Many apologies tay aw carpet cleaner dooodes.

Mothers
Just so yas aw know am a cunt. I’m a mothers worst name. So many bad looks fay the fucking bitches, but they kin fuck right aff!

Getting Old
Fucking am nay that old yet mate, I’m jist 25 this June, I’m nay a fucking dinosaur yet. Fucking shred Dino! Shit, yazs all are dinos, yersell Sam, Pedro, Navs, AP, ya bunch a fannys! Yazs better gettin savin fur the summer frame!

Surfing
Surfings fur faggots yazs get sand fucking everywhere. In the Osiris van we had tay buy a little Dirt Devil, jist cuzza the fucking sand man. It’s the worst wen yay get in the van after hittin some shit. Ye aw sweaty and sand in the fucking bak aye yer knees. Fucking Spicoli got away wit it but yays look like yays are fucking hair cultivating or some shit? Stop get a skin heed.

The prevalence of Energy Drinks
Vodka Redbull YES fucking please! In fact fuck let the dug see the rabbit, make it a double! If yay read this and we meet in a shit hole bar, dont be afraid its cool al nay drap the nut on ya unless ya caw me a buffy!

Bluntslides
Wits the fucking problem? Blunts are kinna sick, but aye fuck in fact they’re piss. Thats rite krooks ya fucking cunt. Stop yer fucking shite or al steel yer kicks and EBAY the shit outta them!

Team Managers
I’m nay trying tay get ma ass chewed aff but its seriously nay that hard tay send some shit out, maybe book a flight. Wits the fucking problem? Dream managers should be the job title. Yays are all cunts

Health Insurance
This is a great fucking subject rite here, what the fuck? Where’s the National Heath insurance? Fucking bum deal if yays ask me. Strongests nation on earth but people are dying jist kiz everythings private. Fuck yer medical degree ya bunch a money hungry heartless bastards! Jist so yays aw know yer taxes are funding WAR and GAS that’s it. It’s wrong the way its done oor here mate! FUCK BUSH! Tay?

Shit Talk Corner with Stewart Graham

Stewart Graham. Back Lip ya cunts! Photo: Houghton

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