Chucky Jones | Issue 63

Shop Talent - Chucky Jones

Shop Talent – Chucky Jones

Shop Talent – Chucky Jones

PATRICK BEAUDOUIN
ATLAS SKATE SHOP [ SAN MATEO, CA. ]
Words by Rory Parker | Photos by Austin Mayer

Welcome to a special election coverage edition of Shop Talent. Now that I’ve formally tossed my own proverbial hat into the ring and will be running for President of this great country as a write in candidate I’ve come to realize the importance of polling my fellow citizens, if only to learn how better to manipulate their fickle opinions and consolidate my own power. (Note: Patrick kind of threw me off with his answers. I definitely did not actually expect the thoughtful responses I got to some of my retarded questions. And I totally did not expect some seventeen year old skater to know who Henry Paulson is. Maybe there’s some hope for this country after all. (Probably not though.)

SO, IF YOU WERE OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE IN THIS ELECTION WHO WOULD YOU VOTE FOR, THE WHITE DUDE WHO PRETENDS TO BE RELIGIOUS, OR THE WHITE DUDE WHO PRETENDS TO BE BLACK?
The white dude that’s pretending to be black. That’s Obama right? Definitely that dude.

WHY OBAMA?
Cuz he’s not some kook. I think the white dude that’s pretending to be religious is a kook.

YOU’RE A PRETTY GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER, WHO WOULD YOU RATHER SHOOT NUDE PORTRAITS OF SARAH PALIN OR MICHELLE OBAMA?
Obama, she’s more photogenic, she’s got passion. Palin is crazy… actually, that might make good photos too. But probably Obama.

WHY DON’T PEOPLE CONSIDER THIRD PARTY CANDIDATES A VIABLE OPTION FOR PRESIDENT?
Fuck that’s a good question, I don’t know. Probably, because the whole system doesn’t really matter. I’m learning about that in school right now. How our votes don’t really count.

YEAH, THAT’S CALLED THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE. WHY DO YOU THINK THE GAYS WANT TO GET MARRIED SO BADLY?
Probably so they’re equal with everybody else. So they can be like anyone else. It’s not so much about marriage as about equality.

WHEN I’M ELECTED PRESIDENT, WHICH COUNTRY SHOULD I INVADE FIRST?
Let me think… What are you going to do when you invade it?

I DON’T KNOW, JUST CRUSH IT.
Like rape and pillage it? I don’t know, what county would I want to see that happen to? I’d have to say, what’s a country that’s not fucked up right now? I’d have to say England. Let’s give them a taste of their own medicine three hundred years later.

KILL, FUCK OR MARRY- OBAMA, MCCAIN AND BIDEN…
You gotta fuck one?

YEAH.
Can I fuck McCain up?

YOU CAN FUCK HIM UP THE BUTT.
Kill McCain, marry, um, Biden, and fuck Obama I guess. That’s the most logical thing I can come up with for that question.

IF BARACK OBAMA IS ELECTED, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT WILL BE UNTIL HE REPEALS THE CONSTITUTION AND DECLARES AMERICA A MUSLIM STATE?
I don’t know, probably pretty quickly I guess. It might not be that bad to live in a Muslim state.

WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT- CHRISTOPHER COX (SEC CHAIRMAN) OR HENRY PAULSON (TREASURY SECRETARY)?
Probably Henry Paulson, he’s a bad ass. I don’t know who that other dude is. I gotta go with the treasury dude, he holds it down.

WHICH OF THESE NICKNAMES FOR BARACK OBAMA DO YOU FIND THE MOST OFFENSIVE- “THE GREAT WHITE HOPE” OR “OBAMOREO?”
Obamoreo. Actually, probably “The Great White Hope,” that’s more offensive.

ANYTHING TO ADD?
Thanks to Atlas, Manik has been sending me some shit, Adidas sent me some shoes. Word up to Atlas, they’ve been backing me pretty hard. Other than that, whatever.

Shop Talent - Chucky Jones

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