Zach Wagner | Issue 51

Zach Wagner

Zach Wagner. Interview by Shawn Rylander
Photos: Randome

Zach Wagner, you’re 19 years old and you’ve been working at Val Surf for three years?
Yeah, it’s pretty easy and all my friends work there.

That’s cool. What’s the biggest perk working for the oldest surf shop around?
Perk? Like a good thing?

Yeah, like a good thing.
Umm….(silence)

O.K. no perks. Your shop team is pretty sick. You’ve got Joey Brezinski, Shiloh Greathouse, Guy Mariano, and Justin Eldridge. That’s just naming four out of like fifteen and you’re on there as well.
Yeah, it’s pretty cool. We’ve got a bunch of the old Girl and Chocolate guys.

Do you ever get to hang out with those guys and party with them?
Nah, but I’ve met Shiloh and Joey and skated with them.

This is Migdol’s mandatory Shop Talent MILF question.
(I think it might have to do with his obsession with older women and their surgically enhanced breasts. Which, by the way, wouldn’t even be a question if he lived down here in Texas. Our mothers take matters into their own hands and enhance their tits all by themselves. They do this by having as many kids as humanly possible and instead of exercising they eatercise. In return, they enhance their tits, their asses, and even their big beautiful fupas. Yeah, I know it sounds too good to be true.)
But anyway, is there an over abundance of MILFS that come through the shop?

Well, living in Westlake Hills and there’s Agoura Hills, so that brings them out for sure. They come in all the time and it makes my day.

Do any of them ever hit on you?
Yeah, every once in a while.

Does Zach Wagner get any phone numbers?
Nah.

Have any of them ever given you a peek at their wondrous silicon mountains?
Nah, but a lot of them do have big boobs and hard nipples all the time. Don’t put that in there cause my parents are going to read this.

Sorry. It’s hard to keep it clean here. Well, your parents aren’t going to be happy about these next questions.
O.K.

Does Zach Wagner like big tits or fat asses?
Both.

Brews or green shoes?
What’s that?

Brews is beer and green shoes is weed.
Oh, green shoes.

Meats or vegetables? 
Vegetables.

Quarter pipes or flat bars?
Tranny.

Bald beaver or retro bush?
Bald beaver.

Automatic Mag or Playgirl magazine?
Automatic Mag.

Good job.
A note to Zack’s parents: I made him say that he checks out old lady’s “big boobs and hard nipples.” I also made him choose between a freshly shaven beaver and a 1970’s disco pussy. My bad, but can you blame him dad? He did pick Automatic Mag over Playgirl Magazine. So at least you know he’s not gay. And for that I would like to apologize to the great gay skater Jarret Berry. “…And another one bites the dust…” That’s Queen…get it? Zach would like to thank: Kevin at Dwindle, Bird at Lakai, and Nick at the Satori Movment.

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